As a script writer and a mother of two, while doing a research for a script on domestic violence I stumbled upon the books of Jesper Juul. Since I have read there that one can hit with words just the same way one can hit with hands, this changed the understanding of my personal communication with others substantially. At a daytime seminar that Juul offered in October 2010 in Berlin, I was impressed by the simplicity in his way of expression. I instantly decided to apply as one of three apprentice for studies at the German-Danish Institute for Family therapy which offers a four-year training as a family counselor based on Juul’s approach and under his supervision. I have learnt to specifically confront myself with my topics of happiness, grief, anger, aggression and shame. It’s not like I’m not feeling them anymore as if they disappeared because of it. Rather to the contrary.
But today I’m confronting people sincerely with these feelings. This supports goodwill, calmness and the said simplicity. Even if some procedures were and are very painful, the quality of my life in regard to family and career has improved. It is wonderful to experience when children so instantly react with their impulses on changes in language and behavior. If it’s not them who are carrying the responsibility for the quality of a relationship but instead the said responsibility is where it is supposed to be- with me the adult.
For example this summer our daughter surprised me by saying: “Couldn’t Jesper Juul also advice people in Korea since it worked out at our home?”
She stood up from the dinning table and put her plate in the sink even before I could close my mouth and switch on my mind. I took a deep breath and looked at her then I answered: “So our way of dealing with each other has been as destroying for you as if we had threatened each other with nuclear weapons?“ “Yes“. “And now?“ She looks at her brother then at us “Now you are listening to us. “